Ashes to Ashes
by Jon Emery
Summary: Xander dies, then comes back to life. After that, things get a little weird. Slash.
1. Last Rites

Title: Last Rites

Series: Ashes to Ashes

Author: Jon Emery

Email: 

Summary: What if Xander died for Dawn, instead of Buffy?  And what if someone decided to bring him back?

Pairing: Xander/Spike, Xander/Angel

Rating: PG-13

Spoilers: Mainly for "The Gift", although I changed quite a lot of it.  Any more is just anything that led up to that, but I changed the Angel Season 2 finale "There's No Place Like Pltz Grb" just a little, too.

Disclaimers: None of the characters of Buffy or Angel belong to me; they are the property of Joss Whedon (dammit!).  Ishtar and Ereshkigal are figures in Sumerian mythology, but most of their attributes are products of my imagination, which sort of makes them _mine_.

* * *

_  It wasn't supposed to turn out that way.  It should never have gone down like that…_ Spike could barely concentrate on the coffin that was being lowered into the ground as these thoughts ran through his mind.  He didn't want the last memories he had of his Xander to be of a cold, hard box, and a lifeless corpse within.  _How could it happen like that?_ He thought again, his grief consuming him, making him blind to the crying women in the cemetery.  Buffy, Willow, Anya, Tara… and Dawn.  Dawn Summers, the innocent girl that had unwittingly started it all.  She was the reason that they were all there that day, watching their friend disappear into the Earth.

  Spike knew that it wasn't really her fault, that she could never be blamed for what happened, but another part of him screamed _how can she **not** be blamed for what happened?_  That image came to him again, of Xander looking at Dawn with such love as they stood at the top of the tower.  Of Xander picking up the Doc's knife, and cutting his hand.  Cutting Dawn's.  Clasping them together, in a blood pact that would last for an eternity.  Their blood mixed, and then Xander leapt into the Gate.  Sealing it with his life.  Spike had watched it all from far below, his preternatural senses picking up everything that Xander said;

_  "Don't worry, everything is going to be fine.  I want you do something for me.  I want you to tell Spike that I love him more than anything in the world, and that he will never be alone.  **None** of you will ever be alone.  Do you hear me?  I love all of you."_

  And with that, he had kissed Dawn on the forehead and jumped into the arms of Death, welcoming it's cold embrace.  When the Portals closed, his body fell to the ground, and Spike had knelt there for hours, holding him close, until the sun rose and the Slayer pulled him to safety.

  Of course, it had come as a shock to everyone in the gang that he and Xander had been lovers.  And after that revelation, they had never treated him with contempt or hatred ever again.  He became a part of their family.  It felt good, to be a part of a group again, to have people respect him.  But it would never compare to the warmth and tenderness of being in Xander's arms.

  As soon as Angel heard what happened, he felt a part of himself die.  As if all of the hidden attractions and needs that he had ever felt for Xander just turned cold and faded.  Willow had been waiting for them at the Hyperion when they got back from Pylea, a solitary tear falling down her cheek.  Angel's first thought had been of Buffy, but when Willow told him, he felt so guilty that his thoughts had gone straight to the Slayer when he had resolved that he would never think about her again.

  He hadn't gone to the funeral, although it had been at night, but he did send a letter to the Scoobies, telling them how sorry he was, and how Xander would always hold a special place in his heart.  If only they knew the full extent of it, of how a single thought of Xander made Angel feel as if he could still live and breathe. 

  And the worst part was, that Angel had decided to tell Xander how he felt, as soon as he returned from Pylea.  And the very minute that he was thinking of the brown-eyed boy, he had seen Willow and she had shattered his world.

  The office was even more quiet than usual when Cordelia let herself in that morning.  Gunn and Wesley were at Caritas talking to a contact, Fred was probably still hiding in her room and Angel was doing pretty much the same thing, only he did it with a much more pained expression on his face.  After all, the guy had been practicing for decades.  It seemed to Cordy that ever since he had heard about Xander, he had just gone even further into his broody shell.  As if Xander's death had made him lose all hope of redemption.  Cordelia understood what he was feeling.  Every time someone under Angel's protection was harmed, he felt extreme guilt.  And when Xander died, Xander who was miles away and unprotected by Angel, he still felt guilty. Because he wasn't there, he didn't fight with Buffy to protect everyone.  Cordelia could remember herself telling Angel at least twenty times a day; _you can't save them all_, but each time he seemed to hear her less and less.

  Sighing, the former May Queen sat down at her desk and booted her computer.  After about an hour Wes and Gunn arrived with information on some painfully obscure prophecy that would undoubtedly bring terror on the world in the next week.  Cordelia knew the drill, she'd been though it enough times in Sunnydale.  They would stop the prophecy, save the world and then party 'til sunrise… Only, the last time someone tried to end the world, Xander died.  He saved the world alone, with no help from the Slayer, and the only party that happened after that was a Wake.

  After about _another_ hour, Fred decided to venture downstairs into the great unknown and curl up in a chair in the corner of the room, making herself as small and inconspicuous as possible.  And finally Angel came down, quiet and looming as always, and just sat there while she and Wesley discussed one of the latest cases.

  She sometimes wondered if Angel knew about Spike.  About _Xander_ and Spike.  She had been shocked to see Spike at the funeral at all, let alone to see him with tears rolling down his face and Xander's name on his lips.  That was when she realised why the funeral was at night.  Spike wanted to say goodbye to his _lover_.  Everything made sense, after that.  Why Xander had seemed so happy after Anya left Sunnydale, when she had expected his letters and phone calls to be full of misery and depression. 

  She would miss him.  She knew that they would all miss him, because he had been such an integral part of their family.  They had lost a bright, kind and loving soul and the World was the worse off for it.

  No one noticed the shadowy figures as they entered the cemetery.  Two beautiful young women, twins, with long red hair and deep green eyes.  Each wore a black dress and an amulet around their neck.  They were Queens, Goddesses, Ishtar of Heaven and Ereshkigal of the Underworld.  Kneeling before the grave of the fallen warrior, they began their spell.  They held their palms out downwards, their unearthly eyes half-closed as they called on a primal energy, invoking it into the vessel of flesh and bone that they put before it.  As the ancient power flowed into the body, the witch-queens opened up the Gate to the Afterlife, crying out the name of the fallen.  They bargained with Fate, exchanging the soul of their offering with the spirit of the Warrior that rose out of the shadows as Death accepted their gift.  One woman put her hand on the other's, and a surge of red light filled their eyes, age-old magicks pouring down into the grave.  Satisfied that their work was complete, at least for the time being, the twin Goddesses left the cemetery.

  Six feet beneath the ground, the red light rushed into the physical body, forcing new life into it.  Deteriorating skin and muscle regenerated and tightened, the blood started to flow again, a jolt of power made the heart beat once more.  And for the first time in three months, Xander Harris opened his eyes and breathed.

_To Be Continued_

On to Next Part - Reborn


	2. Reborn

Title: Reborn

Series: Ashes to Ashes

Author: Jon Emery

Email: 

Summary: Xander rises from his grave and finds the real world all too much.

Pairing: Xander/Spike

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimers: None of the characters of Buffy or Angel belong to me; they are the property of Joss Whedon (dammit!).

* * *

  As the red light dissipated, the newly reborn Xander inhaled and was instantly choked by stale, rank air.  Rasping desperately, his hands flew upwards to be blocked by a hard, flat surface.  He was trapped.  Growing increasingly panicked, he clawed at the wood, tears of shock and pain forming in his eyes.

  It had been three months, and Spike still couldn't think about anything without his mind drifting back to Xander.  Right now he was sitting with the rest of the gang at the table in the Magic Box, trying to figure out who was behind the brutal murder of a child that had disappeared a week ago.  He had been found three days later, with his heart removed.  It looked like an occult practitioner had taken the organ as an ingredient in an extremely dark and potent spell.

  But, despite the horror of the crime, Spike could still not concentrate.  Grabbing his leather duster from the back of his chair, he called out:

"I need to kill something…" and left the shop. 

  Everything was hurt.  As Xander climbed out of the dirt in his grave, he could feel every single blade of grass on the ground, every grain of soil.  His hands were covered in painful scrapes and bruises, tokens from the sharp splinters in the coffin below.  Raising his face to sky, Xander released a guttural, primeval scream.

  Spike had barely been outside two minutes when he felt that something was wrong.  His preternatural senses could detect something distinctly wrong in the night air, as if something had been put where it didn't belong.  He wandered around for about half an hour, trying to find the _wrongness_.  That was when he heard the scream, full of pain and confusion.  He instantly turned in the direction of the noise, and ran as fast as he could. 

  He rushed past the cemetery, a strange pang of something familiar hitting him.  He followed the dark scent of death into an alley, and when he saw the source of it, an unearthly shudder went through him.  If he had been alive, his heart would have stopped beating.  Because curled up in the corner of the ally, streaked with dirt and covered in scratches, was Xander.  His Xander.  His mind instantly went to vampires, until his acute hearing picked up the sound of a heartbeat.  Blood was being pumped around Xander's body, although how that was even possible was unknown to Spike.  He could see tears streaming from those confused eyes, and his hands were bleeding freely.

  Spike instantly knew where the wounds on his hands had come from.  He had done it himself, over a hundred years ago.  Xander had just broken his way out of a coffin.  He was shaking uncontrollably, and Spike knew how much panic and confusion that waking up in a casket of death could incur.  He kneeled down and reached out slowly.

  "Xander," he said gently.  "Xander, can you speak?"  Those big brown eyes looked up at him, unsurely.  And Spike felt the air around him scream with fear.

_To Be Continued_

On to Next Part - Sanctuary


	3. Sanctuary

Title: Sanctuary

Series: Ashes to Ashes

Author: Jon Emery

Email: 

Summary: Spike takes Xander to safety in LA.

Pairing: Xander/Spike, Xander/Angel

Rating: R

Disclaimers: None of the characters of Buffy or Angel belong to me; they are the property of Joss Whedon (dammit!).

Notes: I know it's a little slow, but please, give it time!  I'm new at writing slash, so the sex will come in due course…

* * *

  Spike watched Xander quietly as they entered the young man's apartment.  The confused look had faded, and he had stopped shaking, but Spike could smell a shit-load of uneasiness coming off Xander in waves.  He gently guided him to the bathroom, slowly and lightly stroking the boy's arms and back.  The shaking started again, and he quietly whispered into Xander's ear, calming him.  He eased Xander out of the suit jacket, shirt and tie that he had worn in silence since the funeral three months ago, letting his fingers trail lightly down the centre of his back, comforting him.  Letting him know that he was safe.

  As the deep shuddering ceased, Xander felt his body tense up when they entered his apartment.  Looking around he saw that little had changed, most of the pictures and posters on the walls were still there, and all of the furniture was still present.  He silently took note of a few black T-Shirts and a pair of Doc Martens on the floor in a corner, and realised that Spike had been living here.  Xander almost smiled as he recalled one of the conversations he and Spike had had before the nightmare with Glory, about how they were both ready to move in together.  They had decided that they would tell the others about their relationship once the trouble was over, but then…

  He started to shake again as Spike led him to the bathroom, remembering those final moments.  He had said goodbye to Dawn, telling her how much he loved all of them, and then he had jumped into the Gate… He had died.  So how the hell was he back?  Living, breathing, a full package of pain and anxiety. 

  He felt Spike's hands gently touching his bare back, and he closed his eyes, letting the vampire's touch wash over him, calming him.  Turning around slowly, he raised his hands to caress Spike's cheek.  Leaning slightly forward, he kissed him, letting his new ultra-fine senses delight in the smoothness of his lips, the gentleness with which he responded.  He didn't know how he was back, or why, but he was safe.  At least, for now.

  When Xander awoke, the first thing he became aware of was the clean, fresh-smelling blanket gently laid over him.  The second thing was the smooth, firm hand on his arm. He looked to his left and saw Spike lying on the bed next to him.  His face was so full of worry and concern, Xander felt he could of lost himself in those beautiful blue eyes.  And then, he heard the words that he had so wished Spike would say when he was alive:

  "I love you."  _I love you._  It was an unexpected wonder, a burning warmth that filled Xander from his head to his toes.  Yet again the tears came, and he raised his hand to stroke the vampire's cheek.

"What?"

"You heard me.  I love you.  I just wanted you to know.  I should have told you earlier, but I know that whatever is coming, we'll get through together.  I've lost you once, and I never want to be away from you again."  Was this Spike talking?  Xander looked into those blue eyes and didn't dare disbelieve him.  So he just moved closer, and let Spike put his arms around him. 

"What's going to happen?"  He looked up at Spike.  "I mean, something has to happen.  Hasn't it?  When will people notice that…"  When will people notice what?  When would his friends notice that his grave was empty?  He'd seen enough of those himself to know that they would assume vampirism.  And that brought up another question.  "Do you think that I should go to them?  Let them know that I'm… back?"  Just the thought of explaining, or at least _trying_ to explain what had happened gave Xander a cold chill.

  After a further moment's thought, Xander pulled himself quickly out of bed, went for the closet and pulled out a pair of jeans.  All of his stuff was still there, nothing had been moved.  "Get me out of here."

"Y'What?"

"Please.  I can't stay here.  I _have _to leave…"  _Oh God, do the tears ever stop?_   He turned away from Spike, and quickly buttoned up a shirt.  He felt Spike's arms circling round him and relaxed a little.

"Of course.  I'll get the car."  Before the vampire could go, Xander said;

"Shouldn't we wait until dark?"  He turned and saw the slight embarrassment on Spike's face.

"Of course, pet.  It's amazing how many times I've almost died from bursting into flames."  Barely a second later the vampire winced.  "Sorry.  Bad joke."

"It's okay."  Xander sat down and reached for a pair of boots.  "What time is it?"

"About seven, pet."

"So sundown will be in an hour or so.  That's plenty of time."

"Plenty of time for what?"  That concerned look was on Spike's face again.

"Don't worry, I'll be fine.  I just need to do something."  He saw the question form in the vampire's eyes and said: "Please don't ask.  I'm not going to let anyone see me, but I have to do this.  Will you trust me?"

"You know I will.  I just don't like the idea of you being out on your own, after all you've been through."  Xander smiled.

"Well, thank you mom.  I'll be fine."  And with that, he left.

  The first thing that he did was go to the graveyard, to cover up the hole in his grave.  The pure surreal value of it was nearly enough to kill him all over again.  Seeing his own headstone… even in Sunnydale, how many people could claim to have done that?  Xander barely stopped to look at the stone before he had filled the grave, in fear of… well, something.  But after he had finished the disturbing task, Xander looked at the message inscribed on the granite.

Alexander LaVelle Harris 

_1979-2001_

_Beloved Friend and Son_

Never Forgotten 

  It was the 'son' part that suddenly reminded Xander of something which his newly reanimated brain had failed to process – his parents.  He hadn't spoken to either of them for at least two months before the battle with Glory… where did that leave him?  If he was to leave town, then he had to see them.  See how they were handling things.  Remembering his promise to Spike, Xander resolved not to reveal himself to them, but only to watch.

  As he approached his old house, the place of so many of his childhood nightmares, Xander felt a chill that had nothing to do with cold pass through him.  His parents were far from perfect, but they'd still miss him, wouldn't they?  He might have left home a year ago, and neglected to tell them about his girlfriend leaving town (due to a job offer from D'Hoffryn), but they couldn't not notice that their only son was dead.  Could they?

  He silently crept round to the side of the house and looked through the window.  In the living room, he could see his mother sitting on the couch, a glass of wine (even though it was only early evening) resting on her lap.  So, nothing had changed.  It took a second glance for Xander to notice the red eyes, sore from crying, and the lack of make-up, which his mother usually applied with a trowel.  And along with the wineglass on her lap was something that Xander recognised.  The family photo, the only one that Xander could think of which didn't portray an exasperated look or just sheer annoyance.  His mother remembered him.  And she missed him.  Fighting the tears that threatened to return, Xander ran away from the house as fast as he could.

  He ended up on Main Street, a bad idea, which he realised after spotting at least three people from work almost straight away.  And then at the bottom of the road was the Magic Box.  Shit.  Had he actually meant to come here?  Even as he watched he saw Tara and Willow step out, closely followed by Dawn.  All three of them looked distant, as if what had happened was yet to sink in.  Rushing into an alley to avoid being seen, Xander felt the blood rush to his head and an unnatural dizziness permeate his skull.  He heard a woman talking to him, or was she crying?  He felt red and blue lights flashing against his temples, and then he saw it clearly – the image of two women, with long red hair and wild green eyes.  They were looking at him… they understood why he was here._  Okay, so the resurrection fucked up something in my head, no biggie…_ But Xander knew that it wasn't just a fuck-up.  It was scarily true.

  The door to his apartment opened before Xander even had a chance to reach for the latch – Spike had been waiting for him.  He let himself be drawn into those strong protective arms, and wondered whether to tell the vampire about the two women.  He decided that he should get over being all alive again before he started thinking about the 'why's and 'who's of the situation.

  "Have you thought about where you want to go?" Spike asked gently, stroking his hair.

"LA." Xander answered quickly, unsure himself of whether he really wanted to go there or not.  Why not San Diego?  Or Australia, maybe?  Anywhere other than Sunnydale was fine.

"Are you sure?" The concerned look in Spike's eyes got more and more beautiful each time Xander saw it.  "I mean, the Great Poof is there, not to mention the cheerleader…"

"That's why I want to go."  Xander looked into his lover's(?) face.  "I mean, they can help, right?  And I wouldn't mind seeing Angel or Cordelia again, it's just my parents that I'm worried about, and the gang… the people in Sunnydale."

"Okay." Spike planted a kiss on his forehead.  "We can leave in about ten minutes, once the sun has fully set.  Do you want to go pack some things, pet?"  Xander nodded silently and went into the bedroom, leaving the vampire in the kitchen, leaning against the fridge and resisting the urge to cry.

  The Hyperion was way bigger than Xander had expected.  It stood in front of him like a giant beast waiting for its next meal.  Or maybe what really scared Xander were the people inside it.  Why had he thought it was such a good idea?  Had the resurrection addled his wits?  Gripping Spike's hand firmly, Xander let himself be guided into the hotel.  He took a step back from the vampire as they entered, so that the first thing Angel and Cordy would see was Spike, and not him.  And that was what happened…

  Deciding that today's work was pretty much done, Cordelia Chase turned off her computer and picked up her coat and bag.  Going into Angel's office, she said;

"I'm off now.  That okay?"  She got no reply.  "Alright, shall I say that again?  _I'm off now._  Hello, broodboy?"

"Goodbye, Cordelia."  Rolling her eyes, Cordy took that as a response and went out into the lobby.  Just coming through the entrance was a tall, lean, blond apparition dressed in black.  She recognised him instantly.  "Spike?  What are you doing here?"  Then her eyes trailed past him to he silent brunette that entered the hotel after the vampire.  Cordelia froze.  Her skin turned to ice.  She couldn't have said a word if she tried.  She heard Angel come out of his office.  _Oh, shit.  Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit…_

"Cordy?  Did I hear you say Spi…" He saw Xander.  Cordelia saw a similar reaction occur with him.  Then; "Xander…"  That one word spoke volumes, painted a picture that no artist could ever imagine.  Cordy didn't think she could ever remember hearing Angel say anything with such feeling, such emotion.  The only time she could relate it to was the way Angel acted after Doyle was killed.  Tears formed in her eyes.

"Is it really you?"  She asked, hesitantly holding a hand out, to touch his face.  He nodded silently, the pain obvious in his face.  Cordelia hugged him tightly, letting the hysterical sobs out onto his shoulder.  After a few moments, she raised her head and asked:  "But how?"

"I don't know."  His brown eyes were different, something in them had changed.  "That's why I'm here.  I don't know why I'm… back… and I can't deal with my family, or Buffy, so I came here."

"And Spike?" Cordelia turned to Angel.  He was eyeing the blond vampire with something that fell between contempt and jealousy.  "Where does Spike fit into all of this?"

"He found me." Xander said it almost instantly, as if to defend Spike.  Cordelia remembered that Angel might not know about Spike and Xander's relationship. 

"So you're here to find out what happened?" Cordy looked up into Xander's face.  Something was definitely different.  She couldn't tell what it was… but she would.

"That's right.  After the gang, I didn't know where else to go that might provide answers."

"Don't worry."  Angel said, barely able to mask the emotion that Cordelia was so adept at detecting.  "We'll find answers."

  And that was how it started.  Cordelia showed Xander to a room, and then she went downstairs to see Spike and Angel in a heated argument.  They both slipped into gamefaces at one point, but Cordelia found the whole point of the argument rather elusive.  But whatever was going to happen, Xander was safe.  Both of the vampires would make sure that he was always safe.

_To Be Continued_****

On to Next Part - Closure


	4. Closure

Title: Closure

Series: Ashes to Ashes

Author: Jon Emery

Email: 

Summary: Xander's stay in Los Angeles continues, with strange consequences.

Pairing: Xander/Spike, Xander/Angel

Rating: NC-17

Disclaimers: None of the characters of Buffy or Angel belong to me; they are the property of Joss Whedon (dammit!).

Notes: Finally, the sex is here!  It took me a while to get to it, but hey, I'm new…

* * *

  As the morning sun crept up over LA, Xander woke and got out of bed.  He'd done little but sleep since he'd 'returned', and he felt as if he would almost definitely kill someone if he didn't get out and do something.  Rummaging through the bag that he had quickly packed before leaving Sunnydale, Xander got dressed and went downstairs.  His senses were still heightened, like they had been the night of the resurrection, as if every square inch of skin on his body had developed an extra five hundred neurons.  It wasn't as pronounced as before, he'd kind of gotten used to it, but it was still unnerving.

  On his way down to the lobby, Xander heard voices.  They were charged with emotion, and as Xander got closer he could hear growling.

"How could you even think about bringing him back, didn't you think of the damage it could do to him?"

"For the last time, you great Poof, _I didn't bring Xander back_!"  Spike let out a low snarl in response to Angel's growl, and as Xander became visible, they both turned and looked at him.

"Xander." They both said.  Angel looked as if he were going to approach Xander, but Spike gave him a look that said _don't even think about it_ and went over to Xander himself.

"Hey, Precious." Xander gave the vampire a hesitant smile and said:

"Morning." 

"How are you feeling, Xander?" Angel asked, looking as if he could barely hold himself still.  There was a strange look in his eyes that Xander had never seen before.

"I'm alright, considering.  Thanks, Deadboy." Angel grunted in amusement.  The use of the nickname had had the desired effect, it had calmed him down.  After a moment's thought, Xander asked; "Is Cordelia going to be here today?"

"Yes." Angel replied.  "She should arrive soon."

"Good.  Do you think she'd come with me if I wanted to go out?"  Spike looked at him.

"Are you sure that's such a good idea, Pet?"  Xander nodded.

"Yeah, I'm sure.  I just need to get out and do something.  I've done pretty much nothing but sleep since… well, you know.  And, since neither of you guys can go outside in the next ten hours, I thought a human might be a safe bet?"  Both the vampires nodded in acquiescence.  "Well, now that's sorted… Where's Cordy?"

  Angel spent the hours after Xander left with Cordelia in a deep brood, contemplating what had happened.  On one hand, he felt extremely worried, worried for Xander's state of mind and the consequences of the spell, and on the other hand he felt breathless with happiness.  Happiness, because the man he loved was alive, happy because he could finally tell him how he felt.  But he couldn't, could he?  He was with Spike now, it was pretty obvious from the possessive way in which Spike acted around Xander.  And that caused him almost as much pain as Xander dying.

  The whole time he was out with Cordelia, Xander couldn't help but feel that the ex-cheerleader was nervous, careful about the way she spoke to him.  Almost as if she were afraid of saying the wrong thing.  It was the most sensitive that he could ever remember her acting.  After breakfast at Martine's and a few hours of walking around town, they made their way back to the Hyperion.  As they entered, Xander immediately became aware of two new presences.  One he was familiar with; he could see Wesley sitting behind a desk, reading some ancient text.  The second, however, was completely new.  He saw the girl with the long wavy hair sitting in a chair in the corner, trying to make herself as small as possible.  When Xander caught her eye, she gave him a nervous smile, then looked down, but not before Xander returned her smile with one of his own.  He couldn't see Spike anywhere.

  "Xander, it's… it's good to see you." Wesley stood up and nervously offered a hand.  Xander smiled and shook it. 

"Hi, Wes.  How are you?"

"Oh, I'm, um, fine, I suppose…"  _Is it just me or is he even more Hugh Grant-ish than usual?_  The whole stammer thing was old hat thanks to Giles, but the way in which everybody seemed to be quiet around him was just annoying.

"I don't think you've met Fred?" Angel offered, gesturing to the girl in the corner.  She stood up, and smiled at him.

"Hi," she said.  "Pleased to meet you."  He smiled back at her.

"Yeah."

"So, we were looking into what might have caused you to… come back." Angel said.  "We don't know enough to start researching specific spells, but we have a few good leads."  That look in his eyes was still there, and it made him look even more attractive than before.  Xander was suddenly reminded of why he had a crush on Angel in high school.  _No!  Bad, bad Xander…_  He hadn't thought of Angel in any sexual way for at least two years.  Well, okay, he hadn't really _seen_ Angel for two years… He hadn't thought about him sexually for about a year, since he hooked up with Spike.  _Spike…_

"Where's Spike?" Xander asked, the second that he thought it. 

"I'm here, love." The vampire came through from Angel's office, his hair slightly ruffled.  "I fell asleep at Peaches' desk."  He drew Xander into his arms, and held him for a moment before letting go again.  They both found seats, and turned to Angel.

"Sorry, you were saying?" Xander asked, and the research began.

  It had been nearly a week since the resurrection, and Spike had not so much as _implied_ any kind of sexual contact.  It was killing Xander.  Well, not _killing_, because _that_ was a lot more painful, but it wasn't easy.  He was beginning to think that the vampire no longer desired him, didn't want him anymore… but what about the things Spike had said after he had found him?  He'd said that he never wanted to be apart, ever again.  So what was with the celibacy gig?  Xander craved Spike's soft, caring touch, he could think of little else.

  After the third night of seemingly endless research, Xander was prepared to take drastic action.  He went up to his room, closely followed by Spike, and as soon as the vampire entered the room, the young man slammed the door shut behind them and pinned him against it, pressing his lips against Spike's in a deep, passionate kiss.  He felt the vampire resist for a moment, and then relax, before pushing him away a few inches.

"What are you doing, Pet?"  Xander ran his fingers over Spike's lips. 

"Isn't it obvious?  I need you Spike.  I can't do this, not without you…" He closed the short distance between them, more gently than before, and softly kissed him.  He felt Spike part his lips, and delved his tongue into the other man's waiting mouth.  He ground his hips against Spike's and felt the vampire's hard-on brush against his own.  The intensity of the kiss increased as Spike returned Xander's fervour, and as desire overtook them, they fell to the floor, each trying to cover the other with his touch. 

  Xander's hands explored beneath Spike's T-Shirt as the vampire's smooth cold fingers ran down the young man's hips and through his hair.  They stripped each other down, each of them worshipping the other's body with his hands and lips.  Somehow they managed to break away just long enough to get to the bed, but then Spike was on Xander again, and as he trailed his tongue down Xander's chest, the young man let out a low moan.  Grinning as he took Xander's cock in his mouth, Spike stroked his balls and slowly moved a finger back and forth over the guy's asshole.  Xander ran his fingers through Spike's hair and came loudly, thrusting upwards, his head thrown back in ecstasy. 

  Purring like a satisfied cat, Spike moved upwards to lie next to Xander.  The young man turned to look at him, and ran his hand down the vampire's chest, taking his cock in his hand.  He started off slowly, moving his hand back and forth, then picked up his rhythm, swiftly jerking off the vampire.  Spike's panting quickened, and just as he was about to come, Xander squeezed the base of his cock, stopping his orgasm.  He raised his legs up, baring his ass, and Spike quickly positioned himself behind the boy. 

"Lube?" He asked gently.

"No way.  I want to feel you, all of you.  I need it."

  Spike tried his best to be gentle, but Xander thrust his ass out, needing to be fucked, so in the end the vampire just thrust his whole hard length into him.  He moved back again, to the point of drawing out, pushed back in, noticing in wonder that Xander's cock had grown hard again, in barely a few minutes.  As the intensity of his thrusts increased, so did Xander's moaning, and as Spike pounded into him, he took a hold of his cock, and started to bring him to edge.  Feeling himself reach the brink, Spike came, releasing himself inside Xander.  Xander kissed Spike fiercely and then came, this time gasping softly, eyes closed in rapture. 

  Pulling out of Xander, Spike settled himself next to the young man and drew him into his arms before they both drifted off to sleep.

  The second that Xander came down the stairs the next morning, Angel could tell that he had been with Spike.  He could smell the cold odour of death on the boy, the kind that can only come from a vampire, as well as the lingering scent of sex.  The beast inside of him screamed in jealousy as Xander settled himself down in one of the seats and grabbed the book that he had been reading the night before.  Angel went into his office, taking deep breaths to calm Angelus.  His inner demon was not going to ruin anything else, especially not this…

  "Xander?"  Hearing his name, Xander looked up from his increasingly tedious book and saw Angel, staring at him with a disturbing intensity.

"Yeah?" 

"Can… Can I talk to you for a minute, please?"  The look that Angel was giving him sent Xander straight back to High School again, when he would watch Angel and Buffy jealously from his place at the research table.  Kinda like now.

"Sure…" He followed Angel into the office, unsure of what to expect.  "What's the matter, Deadboy?"

"I was, um, I was just wondering how you're feeling."  Xander smiled tiredly.

"I think I will savagely murder the next person that asks me that.  I mean, yeah, sure, I was dead for a while, and now I'm not, but… I don't feel particularly _bad_ about anything…" _Except the hallucinations, yeah, don't forget those…_

"So you're doing okay?"

"Yes, I am fine."  Feeling uncomfortable under the power of Angel's gaze, Xander turned to leave.  "It's alright, Deadboy.  You don't have to keep pretending that you care.  I can figure out whatever this is by myself."  He took two steps toward the office door, and heard a soft:

"Don't."  That single syllable was just so laden with emotion, such pain, that it stuck a cord deep within Xander.  He slowly turned around again, and said;

"Don't what?"

"Don't leave.  Don't make me feel this way.  Just, stop trying to escape the fact that I am in love with you."  Xander froze. 

"What?"

"I'm in love with you.  I'm sorry, but I can't help it.  It's like a fire, burning away inside of me.  It's always been there, and it always will be.  Back in Sunnydale, every time I saw you, it was like an inferno.  I would see you with Cordelia, and I would hate her.  I would hate myself for feeling that way."  Xander felt a tear make its way gently down his cheek.

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"How could I?  What would your reaction have been?  You made it pretty clearly that you hated me."  Another tear, this time on the other cheek.  Xander shook his head.

"No…" 

Angel took a step closer to Xander, and raised his hand to touch his cheek.  He hesitated before their skin met, and then he caressed the side of Xander's face. 

"When Willow told me that you died, my world collapsed.  It was like she had doused me in holy water, because that burning just increased.  It was as if I wanted you even more now that I knew I could never have you."  He took another step, so that there were barely inches between them.  "I love you, Xander."  And he lowered his head to plant a gentle kiss on Xander's lips, their skin just brushing together for the slightest of moments. 

  This sudden trance that Xander had fallen into was brought to a halt by the sound of a throat clearing.  He turned to the office door, and Spike was standing there, his cold blue eyes fixed on Angel.  Now that the spell was broken, everything came rushing back.  _Oh my God…_

_Oh – My – God!_

Breaking away from Angel's arms, Xander rushed past Spike into the lobby, his strides quickly becoming a run.  With the tears now running freely down his face, Xander left the hotel and ran into the sunlight, where neither of the vampires could follow.

_To Be Continued_

On to Next Part - Entropy


	5. Entropy

Title: Entropy

Series: Ashes to Ashes

Author: Jon Emery

Email: 

Summary: Xander visits Caritas to find out who brought him back, and the energy between him and the two vampires is finally consummated.

Pairing: Xander/Spike, Xander/Angel

Rating: NC-17

Disclaimers: None of the characters of Buffy or Angel belong to me; they are the property of Joss Whedon (dammit!).

Notes: Finally, the sex is here!  It took me a while to get to it, but hey, I'm new…

* * *

  It had been at least eight hours since Xander had left the Hyperion, and no-one had heard anything from him.  Cordelia had gone out with Wesley to look for him, but they had found nothing.  It was still daylight, so Spike and Angel were confined to the hotel.  The tension between them had only risen as the hours passed, and as their concern for Xander's safety grew. 

  It was just past seven when Cordelia and Wesley got back, and Angel could tell straight away that Xander was nowhere to be found. 

"Don't be so stupid, you fucking idiot!" Spike said.  "People don't just disappear, not into thin air.  Although, you might have frightened him enough to make him want to vanish."

"What, so this is _my_ fault?" Angel asked.  "How the hell did you figure that one out?"

"Well, if you hadn't gotten all soul-wrenchingly confessional on him and tried to get him in the sack, then he would still be here, and we would be finding the creature that brought him back."  Angel couldn't think of a comeback to that, since it was all true, so just scowled at his wayward childe and said;

"It was just a kiss."

"Well that was obviously enough!  Christ, Angelus, you must have really let your technique go over the years if you can't even hold onto a teenager.  _My_ teenager!"

"Guys!"  Cordelia stepped between them, and then glared accusingly at Angel.  "You _kissed_ Xander?"  Angel nodded, and looked at his feet.  "Well it's no wonder that he's so freaked out!  I mean, _you_ of all people put the moves on him barely a week after he crawls out of his own grave!  This kind of shit should be televised!" 

"Huh?"

"God, Angel, don't you get it?  Xander had a crush on you all through High School.  Wait, no, he was in _love_ with you all through High School.  But you were too pig-headed to see it, so you focused all your soul-tortured attention on Buffy, and Xander decides to forget about you.  Then, he is pulled back from whatever kind of afterlife he was in and you decide that you like him after all!  As if he wasn't confused enough!"

Both Spike and Angel took a step back from the fuming cheerleader, shock apparent on both their faces.

"So if you could both just keep your pants on long enough to find Xander, please.  'Cause he is really hurting right now…" She put a hand to her forehead.  "_Really_ hurting…"  Angel just had time to catch her before she collapsed, a strange moan coming out of her mouth.  When she opened her eyes, she quickly pulled away from Angel and stood on her own two feet.  "It's Xander!  He's being cornered by a vampire gang just outside that warehouse in Deadman's District."  Angel looked at the windows, and saw that the sun was just setting. 

"Right, we've got a few minutes before they leave their nest to feed.  Let's go."

  It had been around ten, eleven in the morning when Xander had left the hotel, and it had seemed that merely minutes had passed while he was walking around, but before he knew it the sun was setting and Xander could feel a number of presences behind him.  Turning slowly, he counted six vampires, all dressed from head to toe in leather.  _Oh, great…_ Xander thought.  _Bondage vamps_. 

"Did you want something?" He asked calmly, carrying off the bored tone of voice expertly.  It achieved the effect that he had wanted; they were wondering why he wasn't terrified at the sight of six escapees from the Leather Den, all in game face.  They recovered from their shock quickly, and what looked like the leader said;

"Yeah, we were looking for a snack."

"There's a great restaurant about three blocks away.  Try the veal.  Anything else?"  One of the less-pretty vamps snarled contemptuously. 

"Why the hell aren't you scared?  We are fiends of evil, the scourge of the Earth!"

"Really? I was going with the slut-brides from Planet X.  Sorry."

"How about we threaten to kill you?"  The leader took two strides forward, and let out a low growl.

"Been there, done that.  You know how it is, I like to travel."

"And what if we _do _kill you?"

"Trust me, won't help." 

The leader took another step towards Xander, paused, then sniffed the air. 

"Fuck, man!"  He turned back to his gang.  "This guy reeks of Angel!"

"Who's Angel?"  One asked.

"He's the fuckin' pervert that sleeps with humans and kills our kind.  Looks like he's got a new pet.  Hey, whadya say we leave him a message?"  He turned back to Xander, just in time to see the piece of scrap wood go straight through his chest.  Looking at Xander, he lout a slow "fuck" before dissipating.  The five remaining vampires just stared at Xander in confusion, a confusion that soon turned to anger.

"You killed Drazik!" One exclaimed furiously. 

"Well, duh… Wait, he was called _Drazik_?  No wonder people think vampires are evil."  The vampire just snarled and ran at Xander, shrieking.  Xander hit him with an open palm, and the power building up inside of him threw the vampire against the wall.  He could feel the energy flowing through him like he had the night of the resurrection, the same feeling that he was in the middle of the ocean, only this time, instead of being rocked and thrown by the waves, he rode the power.  As one by one the vampires rushed him, he just threw them in opposite directions, a heat building up beneath his skin, a heat that needed to be released.  As the last of the six vampires tried to attack him, he grabbed her by the neck, and let the fire out.  She barely had time to scream before she burst into flames, and five identical fires started at the same moment, destroying all of the vampires.  The feel of the power all around him, running through his veins, was like nothing he had ever experienced before.

  As the rush subsided, Xander leant, panting, against the wall, looking down at his hands.  They were red, pulsing with heat.  Hearing footsteps, Xander looked upp to see Angel and Spike run into the alley, and take in the destruction. 

"You're a little late," he told them.  "If you want a job done, you've got to do it yourself…" He pushed away from the wall and started walking towards them.

"Wait, _you_ did this?"  Angel asked incredulously.

"Well, do you see anyone else around?"  Sighing and shaking his head, Xander left the alley.

  Back at the hotel, Xander spoke solely to Cordelia and Wesley, deciding that if Angel and Spike wanted to talk about what happened, then they could come to him.  So he settled down at the research table, and listened to what Wesley had to say.

"There is always a lot of energy in the universe, and there are records of anomalies moving through the cosmos, causing strange occurrences when they clash with other energy, or major _lacks_ of energy, where life has recently gone.  This kind of thing results in people coming back to life, although the longest any of those people had been dead was six hours, so there was still motor activity and brain function for the energy to react with.  But you were gone for three months, and physical decay had started, which meant that whatever brought your soul back had to regenerate your body as well."

"So that wipes out random energy anomalies.  Which means what?  Could it have been some sort of witch?"

"Well, a necromancer is a possibility, but they would have to possess a great amount of power, or have access to someone else's, like a god or a demon."

"Which means that we're not really sure of anything?"

"Pretty much."  Xander rubbed his eyes, sat back in his chair and moaned.

"We don't even have anything to go on.  I mean, _some_ kind of clue would be absolutely great!"  Cordelia nodded in agreement, then clapped her hands in some kind of revelation.

"Caritas!"

"Huh?" Xander looked at Wesley.  "What's a Caritas?"  Wesley looked at him with the same excitement that Cordelia had.

"It's a nightclub downtown, there's a demon there that reads people's souls, their futures.  It could help."

"Good to know that you only think of this _after_ I set fire to half a dozen people."

"Vampires, Xander."

"Whatever."

  "No way.  Are you crazy or something?"

"No, Xander, it's just the way it is, Xander.  The Host can only read your soul if you sing.  It's the rules."

"You have to be kidding, I mean, the guy's _green_ for heaven's sakes!"

"Don't be so prejudiced.  I mean, I thought you of _all _people-"

"If you mention the gay thing again, I swear I will walk out that door, Cordy."

"And if I don't, you'll stay?"

"Do we have any other leads?"

"No."

"Then I'll stay."

"Good boy."

  Ten minutes later, Xander was on stage singing "Shape of My Heart" by Sting, the only reasonable song he could find in the Caritas repertoire.  He was actually quite surprised that they had it, after all, how many Fyral demons listen to Sting?

  The Host stood by the bar, watching the young man belt out the tones of depression and solitude.

"So what do you think?"  Cordelia asked him, her expression hopeful.  "Do you see anything?" 

"Well, sort of.  I mean, all of his chakras are out of phase, his energy is just totally unfocused.  It's like he's been changed on the most basic level.  What the hell happened to this guy?"

"He was brought back from the dead."

"Resuscitated?"

"No, resurrected."

"Oh.  Well, that explains the shadow around him, the aura that's saying he shouldn't be here.  Plus, there's a trace of something immensely powerful on him, like he's been touched by something ancient, something absolute."

"Like a demon?"

"More like a god."

"It could be the energy from the gates… he jumped into a Portal."

"No, I can see that magic too, it's not the same… and why the hell did he jump into a Portal?"

"To save the world."

"You guys do that a lot, don't you."

"Yep."

Xander left the stage and joined the two of them.

"So, anything?"

"Lorne says that you've been touched by a god."

"That's Glory."

"Who?"

"The Big Bad that wanted to kill Dawn.  She was a Hellgod."

"So she was a psycho?  Pure evil?" The Host asked.

"Sure, and right towards the end she was a total loony.  She had a thing with mental instability."

"Well I'm not sensing any of that on you.  There's nothing unstable or malicious about your aura, just a strong sense of a god's power.  I'm not talking about Church and Sunday school; I'm talking older than that.  A real Old God."

"Do you have any idea what it wants?  What I'm supposed to do?"

"Something about balance, or keeping things right, but it's all very vague.  Gods can be like that."

  When Xander returned from Caritas with Cordelia and Wesley, both Angel and Spike jumped up from their seats and made their way towards him.  Both Cordy and Wes made a quick exit, not wanting to be caught in the argument that they thought would commence between the two vampires.  _So much for real friends_, Xander thought tiredly.  Would he really have to diffuse them both by himself?  Sighing, he took off his coat and threw it over a chair.

"So, which one of you is going to start first?"

"Neither of us." Angel said.  "We've been talking, and… We've come to a conclusion."

"A conclusion, really."  Xander replied dryly.  "And what does this conclusion entail?"

"Look," Spike said.  "We both know that things are completely up in the air right now, but there's so much tension between the three of us, we have to do something about it."

"I thought that we took care of the tension between the two of us, Spike.  And I only _kissed_ Angel."

"It was more than that, both of you know it." Spike said.  "You've been tense around him for days."

"Xander," Angel cut in. "I'm sorry that I dropped such a bombshell on you earlier, but I thought that things would be better if you knew how I feel." 

"How come you two are so friendly all of a sudden?" Xander asked.  "When I left, the two of you were ready for serious dismemberment."  _What is the matter with me?_ He suddenly thought.  _The angrier I get, the more I have to fight not to kiss either of them…_

"Like I said, we've been talking.  We worked through a few of our differences." Angel said.

"Oh, so we're going to solve this with group therapy?"

"No," Spike walked closer to Xander.  "We're going to surrender to this energy between us."  The compulsion to just tear the clothes off the both of them was getting unbearable.  Spike gestured to Angel, and said softly: "Go to him."  Xander looked at Angel, and took one small step forward.  The burning was killing him, this urge… how had he let it get this far?  He loved Spike, and Angel… if someone asked him _that_ a week ago, he would have laughed in their face (if he hadn't been shell-shocked from waking up in a coffin).  Now, all he could think of was being one with him, with Angel, with Spike, their bodies indeterminable.  He closed the remaining distance between them in a heartbeat, pausing directly before him, looking into those deep, beautifully dark eyes, caught in the energy… then their lips were one, their hands one, as their bodies pressed so tightly together that not even an earthquake could have pulled them apart.  Their hands wandered over each other's bodies, revelling in the feel of new flesh, new territories to explore… and conquer.  Angel moved his lips and tongue down to Xander's neck, and Xander watched Spike as the older vampire caressed his throat with his mouth.  He grabbed the blonde's hand and pulled him close, their lips locking together as tightly as his had with Angel. 

  Pressing his right hand to Angel's chest, he pushed him away, and with his left hand turned Spike around to face his Sire.  Then the energy took control of them, and Angel was pushing Spike up against a wall, the younger vampire's legs wrapped around Angel's waist.  It was a sight that would have taken Xander's breath away if he hadn't already been breathless.  He smiled, and started walking slowly towards the stairs, making sure that they noticed what he was doing.  The vampires followed him to his room, where he stood in front of both of them.

"Strip."  They both obeyed, and as they shed their clothes so did Xander.  Barely taking a second to observe their supernatural beauty, Xander ordered Angel to get onto the bed.  "Spike, I want you to fuck me, while I'm with Angel."  He laid himself on top of the older vampire, and started to writhe over him, hands exploring the muscular chest, the strong arms, and his huge cock…

  When he felt Spike's dick push gently into his ass, Xander let out a deep moan and raised himself up so that he was sitting on Angel's legs, jacking himself and the vampire off while Spike fucked him, their bodies merging into one mass of pulsating energy, thrusting and moaning in a frantic dance towards ecstasy. 

  Spike thrust into Xander one more time and exploded, every ounce of strength draining out of him.  This brought Xander over the edge, and as he came, he pulled Angel into the arms of pleasure, too.  They stayed that way for what seemed like hours, completely exhausted, and feeling closer to each other than they had ever thought would be possible.

_To Be Continued_

On to Next Part – Twin Goddess


	6. Twin Goddess

Title: Twin Goddess

Series: Ashes to Ashes

Author: Jon Emery

Email: 

Summary: The cause of Xander's resurrection is finally revealed, and he discovers a purpose in his new life.

Pairing: Xander/Spike, Xander/Angel

Rating: NC-17

Disclaimers: None of the characters of Buffy or Angel belong to me; they are the property of Joss Whedon (dammit!).  Ishtar and Ereshkigal are figures in Sumerian mythology, but most of their attributes are products of my imagination, which sort of makes them _mine_.

* * *

  When Cordelia arrived at the Hyperion the next morning, the first thing she noticed was that all the tension and anger in the air from the previous day was completely gone.  But then, so were Angel, Spike and Xander.  They were nowhere to be seen on the ground floor, and Cordy knew better than to go looking upstairs.  Instead she busied herself with booting up the computer, going through the files and thinking about anything _but_ what the two vampires were doing with her friend.

  Xander was lying on a beach, letting the tide wash over him, caressing his skin.  As he opened his eyes (hadn't his eyes been open before?), he realised that he wasn't on a beach, he was in a bed.  The stroking was there, but it wasn't a tide.  It was Angel and Spike.  Spike was letting his hand wander over Xander's chest while he slept, as Angel explored his hips and legs, also while slumbering.  Xander let himself relax again, letting out a long, contented breath and closing his eyes.  He couldn't clearly recall the circumstances that had brought the two vampires into his bed, his mind was still veiled in an exhausted haze.  And, quite frankly, he didn't care in the least.  As vague memories of the night before returned to him, he felt the energy that had controlled them, that inexorable force of need and consummation… and he could feel the bond that now existed between him and the two vampires, a link of magic and lust and love… Love?

  _Do I love Angel?_

  As he thought about the question as he looked to and from Spike and Angel, Xander realised that he couldn't live without either of them.  They were as much a part of him as his arms or legs.  Last night had seen to that, it had taken whatever attraction lay between them and thrown it onto to a whole new level.  And surprisingly, Xander wasn't bothered.  He was the subject of an invisible tie between two undead creatures of the night.  What was there to worry about? 

  As Xander, Spike and Angel made their way down the stairs a few hours later, Cordelia immediately noticed the change.  There was an incredible air of ease around the three of them, almost as if they had been together since the day that they were born.  They eventually settled into research mode, and as the morning hours passed, Cordelia kept her eye on them.  Sure enough, every now and then one of the vampires would look over Xander's shoulder while he was reading, ask him about it, and then just casually squeeze his shoulder or stroke the back of his neck.  And Xander was the same with them.  Inwardly grinning, Cordelia decided to say nothing on the subject; just so long as neither of them tried to eat her best friend.

  Flicking through the pages of yet another ancient book, Xander felt his attention begin to wander.  Barely even glancing down at the Ancient Sumerian text that filled the volume as he turned the pages, his eyes were suddenly caught on an image.  An image that spoke to him in a deep, inexplicable way.  Two identical women, long red hair tumbling past their shoulders and unearthly green eyes staring out from the page.  It was the twins from his vision.  The muscles in his hands ceased to function, and the book fell to the table.  Angel and Spike instantly looked up, their concern almost drowning him. 

  "I know these people."  The words barely seemed audible even to him, so he continued.  "I've seen them before."  He told Angel, Spike and Cordelia about his vision the day after the resurrection, only a week ago.  But as he thought about it again, he realised that he had known the two women even before then.  That night.  The night where he had been pulled back from the arms of death, crawled out of his grave and into the arms of two vampires.  They had brought him back.  The two women.  He told them all of this, and understood what the Host had said.  He had been touched by not one God, but two.  They were ancient, powerful.  And now _he_ was powerful.  But why?

  _Where are you?_ He screamed silently, his thoughts growing in intensity.  He called to them in his mind, commanding them.  And before he realised that he had thought those thoughts, Ishtar and Ereshkigal were there, right in front of him.  Their cool jade gaze swept over him, and Xander knew that he was standing before the two most ancient, primal beings in the world.  He dropped to his knees, almost as if he had done it thousands of times before. 

"Goddess." He whispered.

"Dumuzi." Ishtar replied.  That one word opened up a door inside of Xander, and then he understood everything.  He knew why he had been brought back.

"Who the hell are you?" Angel stepped between Xander and the Twins, breaking the spell that their magical eyes had cast on him.  Xander got to his feet, and said calmly;

"It's alright, Angel.  I know now."

"That is true, my beloved." Ishtar said.  "You truly understand now, do you not.  You never did before.  But now, now you are ready.  Dumuzi, you are my consort, my champion, my warrior.  Now you are ready to be my King."  Then Ereshkigal stepped forward, and smiled.

"My sister and I know of your love for the two grave-wraiths, and she knows that you can never truly be her beloved.  But everything else remains."  She stepped back to join her twin, and then they were gone.

"Are you alright?" The 'grave-wraiths' rushed to his side, looking over him to try and spot any harm that the Queens may have invisibly inflicted on him. 

"I'm fine." Xander said quietly.

"Then are you up to explaining what just happened?" Xander looked up into Angel's deep loving eyes, so soft and warm compared to those of the Gods, and kissed him passionately.  Then he turned to Spike and did the same, proving his never-ending love for them.  Then he sat back down in his seat, and explained it all.

  "It's been written about in the myths.  Ishtar, the Queen of Heaven, chooses Dumuzi as her lover and her champion.  But he falls, so she descends to the Underworld to retrieve him.  The Underworld is the domain of her sister, Ereshkigal."

"But that doesn't explain why you've been brought back."

"Well, in a way, it does.  I am Dumuzi."

Angel, Spike and Cordelia stared at him in silent confusion.

"I am Dumuzi.  Or, I was a long time ago.  I mean in a past life.  So when I jumped into the Gate, I 'fell' from life.  I'm still not sure where I was, because it wasn't Hell.  If it was, then Ishtar could have brought me back by herself.  It was somewhere between Heaven and Hell.  Somewhere distant enough to warrant the power and strength of two primordial Queens."

"So they brought you back to life because Ishtar wanted her boyfriend back?  'Cause, didn't she say that she understood how you felt for Spike and Angel?" Cordelia asked.

"It's more than that.  When Dawn's blood opened the Gates, all of the energy that had been pent up inside her and the doorways escaped, which is what opened everything up.  But when I closed them, I did it with my life, with mine and Dawn's mortal blood.  So all of that energy has upset the cosmic scale.  Me being back in the Mortal realm balances things out again.  And I really am Ishtar's champion on Earth."

"So what are you saying?" Spike said.  "All that energy is in you now?  You're the Key?"

"Yes."

"But what did Ishtar mean when she said that you're ready?" Angel asked.

Xander paused for a few moments before answering.

"She meant that I'm ready to go back to Sunnydale." 

_To Be Continued_

On to Final Part – Dead and Buried


	7. Dead and Buried

Title: Dead and Buried

Series: Ashes to Ashes

Author: Jon Emery

Email: 

Summary: Xander returns to Sunnydale, and faces some questions that he would rather have avoided.

Pairing: Xander/Spike, Xander/Angel

Rating: NC-17

Disclaimers: None of the characters of Buffy or Angel belong to me; they are the property of Joss Whedon (dammit!).  Ishtar and Ereshkigal are figures in Sumerian mythology, but most of their attributes are products of my imagination, which sort of makes them _mine_.

* * *

  "But why the Hell do you have to go?" It was the seventh time Spike had asked him that since Xander had said that he was returning to the Hellmouth.

"Because, _Spike_, now I know that I'm ready to face my friends again.  I left Sunnydale because it was home, and I couldn't readjust to the World if I was in my own back yard.  I had to be somewhere different.  Don't worry; I'm not staying there.  I'll be coming back within a week.  And besides, you and Angel will be with me the whole time, not to mention Cordelia."

  Barely a second after he mentioned her name, Xander heard Cordy scream downstairs.  Abandoning his attempts at packing neatly, Xander followed Spike rapidly down the stairs.  The ex-cheerleader was just recovering from her vision when they got to the lobby.

"It's Sunnydale." She said between breaths.  "Something's incredibly wrong there."

  As the entire Angel Investigations team made their way to Sunnydale in two separate cars, Xander made a point of _not_ sitting next to the vampires.  Instead he sat with Fred and struck up a conversation with her.  She reminded him immensely of Tara, from the way she spoke, in short nervous sentences (Xander had been told that she was a slave in a Demon world for five years), to the way she sat, making herself as small as possible.  His thoughts went from Tara to Willow, and Buffy, and Dawn.  How the Hell was he going to deal with them?  Ishtar had said he was ready, but he now they were so close to Sunnydale, he didn't feel it. 

  The Magic Box looked the same as it ever was, but it also held an aura of foreboding for Xander.  As they got out of the cars, Xander's worries went from what he was going to say to what he was wearing.  His black jeans had studs down the sides, his black boots were dusty, his grey sweater was tight and would he be giving off the wrong impression with the fact that he was wearing Angel's leather jacket?  The answer to that was NO.  He was not ashamed of his relationship with either of the vampires.  Angel and Spike entered the store first, followed by Cordelia, Fred and Wesley.  Xander could hear Angel talking.

"Buffy, something has happened.  Will you promise me that you won't go crazy?"  Xander heard a faint 'yes', and then Angel came to the door.

"Come on, sweetie." He whispered.

  Xander followed Angel into the shop, and stood in the threshold for a moment, before taking a few more steps forward.

"Xander…" Buffy stood in the centre of the shop, her face a mask of complete blankness.  Willow stood a few steps behind her, the shock clearer in her eyes.  Tara and Giles stood behind the counter, frozen like statues. 

And then there was Dawn.

She sat at the table, her homework spread out in front of her, forgotten.  Her eyes were wide and her mouth hung open slightly. 

"Oh my God…" Tears started to form in her wide eyes, and as Xander said quietly:

"Hey, Dawnie…" She ran over to him, wrapping her arms around his waist and burying her face in his shoulder, letting out huge sobs.  Xander had no idea of how long he stood like that, stroking her hair soothingly as she cried.

Eventually Buffy overcame her shock and came forward.

"What is this?" She said to Spike, the shock and the anger pulsing from her cold glare.  "What have you done to him?"

"I haven't done anything." Spike said, surprisingly calm.  "Remember that night I went out patrolling, and I didn't come back?  I found Xander.  Something had resurrected him, and he needed to get away from here, so I took him to LA."

"But…" Buffy stared at Spike for a moment, then at Xander (still holding onto Dawn), then at some indeterminable space beneath the floor.  "How?"

"It doesn't matter," Willow said, gazing into the living eyes of her best friend.  "It doesn't matter at all." She smiled softly, then flung her arms around Xander even more tightly than Dawn had, and whispered into his ear: "God, I love you so much.."

Buffy looked up from the intriguing spot on the rug and only just seemed to notice the other people from LA in the room. 

"Cordelia? Wesley?" She didn't recognise Fred or Gunn, so just skipped on.  "Angel, why are you all here? I mean, couldn't one of you have brought …_Xander_ home, instead of the whole clan?"

"Well, not really." Angel said.  "Cordy had a vision.  Something's going down in Sunnydale… something that Xander's a part of."

"Oh…" Buffy turned to see that Tara and Giles were now holding onto Xander, as if he were about to disappear again.  Both Angel and Spike noticed that Xander had _never_ received that kind of love or appreciation when he had been alive… or at least, alive before _this_.

"So," Xander said. "Where do we go from here?"

  "You're sure this is it?" Spike said, as he looked around the ruined corridor of Sunnydale High.

"Yes, Captain Peroxide, this is what I saw.  I saw the big monster-thingy coming up from here, and then I saw Xander standing on that corner.  It's important that they're in those positions, don't ask me why."

"I know why." Xander said quietly, as had become his new rather disturbing habit.  Confirmations of knowledge in a creepy, barely audible tone.

"The Hellmouth is underneath the school, so the walls between the worlds are weaker here.  The power lines can be crossed, if you know how."

"And you do…" Angel said, drawing Xander into his arms as they approached the right location.  They had yet to tell Buffy about their unique relationship, and he wanted Xander alive to help him explain… alive from _this_ time round.

Xander drew away from the two vampires and Cordelia, stepping into what had once been the library.  Whispers from the past came to him, all the times that he had sat there for hours on end researching the latest threat, or joking with Buffy and Willow, or Cordy, or Oz… and the times that he had sat there, staring at Angel from behind some old book.

  A long, mournful croon shook Xander from his thoughts, and as he glanced down at the Hellmouth, he saw a massive, dark shape emerge from it.  A dragon.  Xander recognised it the second he saw it – it was the creature that had escaped from the Gates while Dawn was tied to the tower, her blood dripping away, along with the life of the World. 

The dragon opened it's eyes sleepily, the twin orbs of golden fire reminding Xander of a cat.

"Xander, get back!" Angel shouted, running forward.

"It's okay, I know what I'm doing." Xander said, his eyes never leaving those of the dragon.  It was speaking to him… no, _she_ was speaking to him, it was a female.  She was confused, and tired.  She had been hunting with her children when the portal opened, and she was pulled into Sunnydale.  She had been hiding in the Hellmouth, feeling it's energy and hoping that it would take her home.  

  Xander felt so sorry for her, all alone in a cold and unfamiliar world, away from her home and her family.  He wished that somehow he coujld send her back… and that was when he realised.  He _could_ send her home.  That was how he was to restore the balance, like Ishtar had said.  He was to repair the damage that Glory had done.  And he could start with the dragon. 

  He took a step forward, keeping his gaze on that of the dragon.  Never look away, never look away… he was sure he had read that in one of Giles' old books in a long-ago research session, how else would he know?  Raising his hand, Xander locked his palm onto the dragon's temple, and felt the energy rise to the surface, let it flow into her, opened the door inside her that spoke of wild plains, fiery skies, and three tiny dragons that needed the love of their mother.  When Xander opened his eyes, the dragon was gone.

  Turning around to face his lovers, Xander found the two vampires staring at him in amazement. 

"How… how did you do that?" Angel asked, his eyes wide in awe. "I encountered a dragon in Madrid years ago, and I barely made it out alive.  You don't have a scratch on you."

"It's easy, when you know how." Xander grinned, and accompanied Angel, Spike and Cordelia out of the ruins.  Looking back for a moment, he was sure that he could hear the hunting cry of four dragons, a family reunited.

  "Honestly Buffy, it was amazing! He just stood there, completely fearless, and made a dragon vanish!" Angel was loving it, being able to tell Buffy all of this – Xander Harris, a virtual nobody next to the Slayer, had faced down one of the most powerful legendary creatures, and had won.  He'd done what Buffy couldn't… again.  He'd done it once before, three months ago.  He had saved the world… and lived to tell the tale.  Well, sorta.

  "But, where did you send it?" Buffy asked, the wonder clear in her face now.  Xander realised that he hadn't told them the full reason behind his resurrection.  Not about the twins, or the balance, or any of it.

  "Home." Xander prepared himself for the questions, and looked to Angel and Spike.  They would give him strength.

  As he sat in the car between the two vampires on the way back to LA, the events of the past few weeks running through his mind, Xander thought that he should feel rather overwhelmed.  Instead, he just felt… well, complete.  His life was the way it was supposed to be, the way that Fate thought was right.  So he had fallen.  But he had risen again, and he wouldn't have had the strength to go on if not for Spike and Angel. 

Xander had been afraid of returning to Sunnydale; not because he would have to face his friends, but because he would be reminded of who he had been, before the resurrection.  But that was just his past – it didn't matter.  Sunnydale and the Slayer and all of his bad memories were dead and buried now.  He was where he belonged – with Spike and Angel.  He had a lot to thank them for… and he was pretty sure how he was going to do that.

  Barely five minutes after their return to the Hyperion, the three lovers managed to get rid of the others and were almost instantaneously up in the bedroom.  Xander could feel the energy rising up again, the burning uncontrollable.  He quickly rid himself of his clothes, between passionate kisses with the two vampires.  Stepping away, looking at the two perfect creatures of beauty that were his, Xander managed to pant out three words:  "I love you…" 

  Positioning himself on all fours on the bed, Xander looked up at Angel and the fire in his eyes said it all – _fuck me…_

Running his hands up and down his long, hard shaft, Spike watched the two of them as they started to moan and thrust in rhythm, pants and groans drawing him closer to the edge.  Getting on his knees on the bed, Spike thrust into Xander's mouth, smiling vaguely as the young man took it all in, then out, then in…

They were like that for what could have been hours or seconds, their group passion bringing them so much closer together, as Angel's pumping got faster and more urgent, pounding his heavy, hard cock into Xander's smooth ass.  He pulled Spike's head forward and they kissed passionately, their tongues entwining, a hundred years of sexual tension, lust and love releasing right there.  Pumping into both ends of Xander, the two vampires came loudly, screaming out in a single wordless cry all of the feeling that they had for each other – aggression, lust, desire, and so much love…

  Drawing themselves out slowly, they realised that Xander was still hard. 

"Guys…" he looked at them with such a smoky look in his eyes that they thought he might be red-hot for weeks.  "That was amazing."

"And there's still you to take care of…" Spike winked mischievously as he and Angel lowered their heads to Xander's aching cock, kissing each-other delicately as they started to lick it, and suck, and before long Xander was screaming, his hands gripping the sheets, and then he thrust his hips up and covered both their faces with his creamy essence. 

  Xander lay like that for hours, basking in the eternal afterglow, as Angel and Spike licked his cum off of each-other's faces, then lay back on either side of him, stroking his chest and playing with his hair.  He considered a shower, but decided that he would wait a week for the feeling to return to his legs.  But then again, perhaps even in a week a shower might be too much. 

Maybe a bath…

_The End._

Author : Marquis de Sade

So, what did you think?

I'd love some feedback, especially as this is my first slash fic.  So, please, tell me what you thought.


End file.
